We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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