3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
