just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Michael Bay diarrhea
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
