I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
