Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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