I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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