I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
