I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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