Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
