Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
