I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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