He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
