my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
