I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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