Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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