just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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