So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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