Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
