Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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