Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
