this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
