he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
