god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
