A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
