your parents love me but you hate me
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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