Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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