Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
