I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
