bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
