I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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