so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
