Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
