I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
