well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
