I wish I could teleport
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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