yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
