Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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