I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
