just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
third nipple confirmed
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
