I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
