New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
