I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
