1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
