There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
