well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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