Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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