the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
