So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
