Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Someone signed my nipple.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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