even my farts smell like vagina
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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