i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
