I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I need a beard to bite.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
