Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
